Sunday, November 20

Dear Ex-Boyfriend's New Girlfriend,

I prefer to call you Dumbo, I mean, look at those ears.
And your drugstore makeup tutorials might be helpful if you weren't using cheap ass makeup. I think you're confused about dropping five stacks on the makeup bag. Five stacks does not mean five dollars. Confusing, I know!

There are so many things I wish I could tell you. Like when you're on that cute picnic and you wonder where that nice blanket came from. Oh wait, that's mine. And when he got you the same exact Tiffany's necklace he bought me long before you came into the picture. Only yours was for Valentine's Day and mine was just because. Don't worry, that wasn't the only piece of jewelry he got me from Tiffany's. 

Don't worry, I'm not mad. I'm not mad that he downgraded from a cute petite girlfriend to a fugly amazon woman. And I'm not mad because I know that his penis is smaller than a baby carrot, and I know that won't change. I almost feel the need to buy you some batteries!